Intercultural Relationships

Recently we talked about what differences there may be between intercultural and intracultural relationships. I feel there are many more challenges that a couple may face if involved in an intercultural relationship. There are still many people out there that do not agree with this type of relationship and those involved in one find themselves constantly defending their relationship. I was involved in a relationship with a black man earlier in my life. (I am white) This resulted in my first child. Unfortunately the person I was involved with chose not to participate in his sons life and I have been raising a bi-racial child without any real insight into the other side of his history or culture. When my son was 3 I married my now husband who is white. We have 3 other children and we get constant questions about my son, since he is obviously different from our other children.

I feel that a person should have the right to be in a relationship with whomever they choose without having to worry about what others may think. If people choose to enter into these relationships it can only make them a stronger more well rounded person. There is learning about the other person, their background and embracing of the cultural differences in our country. This should be celebrated not looked down upon.

Conflict resolution

Recently in class we took a survey to determine our conflict resolution type. I thought the survey was pretty close to how I actually handle conflict. It told me that in both immediate and long term I was primarily "collaborative", but usually do not avoid the situation. This is completely true. I tend to try and talk out any problems or conflicts I am having with someone. I think that unless everyone has given their opinion and thoughts into the particular situation there really is no way to resolve the situation. Once everyone involved is aware of where others stand then everyone can hopefully talk it out to come to an agreement. Maybe one person (including yourself) may have seen the situation in a different light and that affected their response. Maybe not everyone had all the information to make a correct decision and so on. I have tried to teach this to my children as well. With 4 kids ranging in age from 2 to 12, we have constant conflict in our house over some pretty interesting things. I encourage my kids to explain how they see the situation and how they feel and try to get the others perspective. Then they need to try and talk it out amongst themselves before involved my husband or I as long as it's not a dangerous situation. I have been surprised how well they have done with this. So much easier than us trying to mediate for every he took this, she did that.

The survey also showed that I don't avoid a conflict either. I cannot feel peaceful if I know that I have an unresolved conflict going on somewhere or with someone. I will work hard to resolve whatever needs to be resolved so that everything can be "smooth sailing" once again. Therefore avoiding the conflict just wouldn't work real well for me. This isn't necessarily a good thing because I think there are things that are better left alone, but I just can't do it because it drives me crazy.

Cultural Cuisine

Earlier in this course we were assigned a paper that required us to eat at a restaurant from a different culture that we had never tried before. When I first discovered this I was quite nervous. I will admit that I am a picky eater and don't venture outside my "normal" foods very often. I did some research and got some advise from friends and co-workers and my husband and I decided to eat at Sawatdee Thai restaurant. We both ended up really enjoying the meal and I learned a lot about the culture and history of the Thai people during the visit as well. Even though the restaurant itself didn't look any different than your normal restaurant from the initial impression, there were a lot of pieces of history and culture inside. The one thing I remember most is the hand carved table at the cash register. It was a beautiful table with a farm type scene carved out of the top in great detail. Upon asking the cashier it was carved by an ancestor of the owner of the restaurant years ago. I find it very amazing and heartwarming that people that have immigrated to the United States take such pride in their history and enjoy sharing it with others both through the cuisine and artifacts they display.

I bring up this topic because my husband an I have a night out planned for tomorrow evening and have decided to go back to this restaurant. We both plan on trying something different than we had the first time, but us returning shows that not only was the food good but the atmosphere was welcoming as well. We tend to stay in our own comfort zone and this proves that you can still feel good about exploring other things that are out there.

Popular Culture Conflict

Recently in class discussion we were given the information on the University of North Dakota and the controversy surrounding its choice of mascot, which is an Indian chief head. They are called the Fighting Sioux. The explanation from the university is that it is meant as a respect toward to the Sioux Indian nation and their heritage in North Dakota. There has been controversy over the use of native American logos and mascots in sports for a while. There have been people that have taken it too a negative tone and caused uncomfortable surroundings for those who are of Sioux heritage. Does this mean that the school should not be allowed to use this logo or team name? I don't personally think so. If the name and logo is truly meant in a positive light toward that group then it should stay that way. Those who choose to inappropriately use it or mock it should be disciplined and it should be very clear that negative approaches to this are strictly not allowed. As some people noted in discussion, there doesn't seem to be an issue when it comes to Notre Dame and the Fighting Irish. Sometimes I think assuring there is no discrimination to minorities can go too far. In fact it could be seen as discrimination to some that there is always so much effort made to make sure no one of another culture is offended when there may really not be a problem to begin with. I think the Fighting Sioux and any other team should be able to keep their logo and team name. If there are those that can't handle the true meaning behind the choice of a native American or other cultural team or logo than they are the ones who should be punished. The association probably doesn't want anyone like that to be associated with them anyway.

Non-verbal Communication

Tonight after finishing up dinner with my family I began my nightly homework rounds with the 3 of my 4 children that are in school. The first grader was pretty easy, read a short book and initial that he read it. My older son had no homework tonight so that was easy. All was going well until I hit my 12 year old, 7th grade daughter. She was whining and complaining about a science assignment. I sat down and tried to help her but she wasn't listening and was frustrated. When I finally gave up and said "you obviously don't want my help, you'll have to finish it on your own." She yells " I never said that!". This brought back the memory of our discussion in class over non verbal communication. Her eye rolling, grunting at everything I said and resistance to do what I asked to make it easier communicated to me her unwillingness to accept my help even though she never had to say it. I then found myself giving her a lecture on non verbal communication. I gave examples of how the same phrase coming out of a persons mouth can mean many, many different things depending on their body language. If a person were to say "I'm having a great time!" but their arms were crossed or their body was slumped the person they were talking to would obviously know that they really were not having a great time. I then continued on with how if a person says one thing with words but their body or facial expressions show something else that who ever is being spoken to will usually take the action over the words. I made her try it out in various scenarios. She reluctantly complied at first but then began to loosen up and actually was having fun by the end. This then led to us having a much better time completing her science assignment. Here is a good example of how what I am learning in school has impacted my family life as well.

Popular Culture influences

This week in class we discussed popular culture. Up until this point I don't think I really understood what pop culture was. I had heard the term many times but really never understood what it was. I now know that virtually everything we watch on television and read in magazines and newspapers is considered pop culture along with many other things. After realizing exactly what pop culture was I now also realize how influential it can be in determining how a person views another culture or social group. If you do not have any experience or exposure to a particular group virtually all the information and ideas you have about this group comes from what you may see or read. For example if I watched a program about Ethiopia and its people that portrayed the country as poor and its people famished and uneducated that is the view I will have toward Ethiopian people. I have never been to Ethiopia nor do I know any Ethiopian people. After watching this program however I may have a clouded perception as to what the country and people are like.

It also seems that American pop culture is most prevalent even in other countries. This can be bad as well. To those who are not from America or do not know much about this country what they may see on American television shows is what they perceive as "American". So therefore if a person were to watch an American sit com they may think that all Americans have affairs behind their spouses backs and that everyone finds it funny is some sense. If they listen to rap music they may think that there is rampant crime and drug use. The impact of popular culture is huge when it comes to how other cultures view another.

Reverse Stereotyping??

Since starting this class I have realized more than ever the stereotyping, bias and discrimination that is present all around us all the time. Over the past couple months I have noticed something that is a little different than the typical stereotyping one would see. As I have said before I work as a nurse in a medically fragile/multiple impairments program in a school. This year we have 4 students two are sisters with pretty significant cognitive disabilities that are African American and come from a home with 8 children. This family lives off of public assistance and neither the mom or her current live in boyfriend work outside the home. We have a severely handicapped student who comes from a very large family. Most of her 11 siblings have special needs and are adopted. The last child has is categorized on the autism spectrum, as well as cognitively impaired and is non verbal but does communicate some with sounds and gestures. He comes from a white middle class home. I have given this detailed background as it pertains to the story. The teacher in our class is white and was born and raised in the U.S. in a Catholic family. She traveled to Morocco in her early twenties and ended up marrying a Muslim Moroccan man while there. She has since converted to the Muslim religion, but does not dress in the traditional attire and still does celebrate some christian holidays with her family. She is probably one of the least discriminatory people I know when it comes to those of other backgrounds. It is very interesting in that she is most upset usually with the middle class white parents that we deal with. We have communication problems with all the parents in our class. Some don't even bother to go through their children's work or send in snacks or lunch money. Others talk big but do little. When it comes to the African American family or the one with the many adopted special needs kids she is very accommodating and usually comes up with a reason as to why they may not be responding to our notes or calls. However, when it comes to the middle class white family she is constantly complaining about their lack of communication and unresponsiveness. Why is this? Is it really just another way of stereotyping? I think it may be. She may have the stereotype in her head that says the African American family doesn't participate as much because they are lower class African Americans. The other family is very very busy with their many children with special needs. There is the assumption that the middle class white family should be taking care of things appropriately because of their so called status. This should not be the family that is considered difficult to deal with because of this.
The teacher I am speaking of acknowledges this and can't pinpoint why it is she feels this way. She even said, jokingly "Maybe if I imagined they were Mexican or Asian I wouldn't feel so negatively toward them." This could be a case of taking anti-discrimination and negative stereotyping of minorities to the extreme.

Culture Clash

In class we have just finished reading the book titled "The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down" by Anne Fadiman. After reading this book it has opened my eyes to the major crisis in health care in regards to dealing with those from different cultural backgrounds. In this case it was that of a Hmong family and their child who had severe epilepsy. I have worked in the health care field for over 5 years and have realized during that time there was an issue at times when dealing with those who may have a different culture or language. There were those in the clinic that you assumed understood the directions and just kind of shrugged when they left and hoped they did. There was the time when one of our female doctors had left for an emergency and a male doctor took her patients for the afternoon. There was a Somali woman that was scheduled and we had to wait for 45 minutes for her husband to arrive since in their culture a male doctor is not allowed to examine a female patient without a male family member present. At the time it just seemed like another strange thing that some patients from different cultures did. After reading this book I have a whole new outlook.

The parents of this young girl in the book had no clue how anything in the United States worked. They knew their own beliefs and cultural practices and when these clashed with the modern American medical system tragedy struck in many ways. The family did not understand what was going on when the invasive tests were being performed on her. They did not follow the orders for medications and treatments at home. They did not understand. To them epilepsy had occurred to their daughter when her soul was scared away. They had their own traditional Hmong ways of treating this, which were not going to cure her medically at all however not one medical staff ever asked or tried to understand where they were coming from. If this had happened there could have possibly been a compromise made. If there was some effort taken out to ensure a translator was available there may not have been so many misunderstandings. I could go on and on about what went wrong. The point being is that having people in our country of many different cultures and backgrounds is not going to change. There needs to be some sort of collaboration between the biomedical culture and that of the patient so that a desirable outcome is achieved by all. It may not be the ideal situation but at least everyone will be satisfied. Now I am a full advocate for the education of immigrants of the English language and the practices of our country, but we cannot expect people who are living here to completely do away with their own history and culture just because they now live in America.

Class Differences

In this course we have talked on a couple occasions about socioeconomic class and how it relates to communication. We have determined that most in American society don't really like to talk about class or like to acknowledge that there are drastic differences in how people are treated based on class status. Class usually refers to the amount of money a person makes or has access to and people tend to not discuss their financial status publically. This is fine, but when the differences in class begin to cause discrimination and stereotyping a problem begins to occur.

As I have said before, I work in a suburban school district as a classroom nurse in the medical impairments program. This year we got two new students that had previously been in a more inner city school district. This is a family that I guess would be considered "low class" compared to most others in the school. Their clothes are not as nice, they receive free lunches and they talk with some slang and "city"talk as I have heard others say. They are two of maybe a handful of African American kids in this school. As the year has progressed I have noticed the different ways both students and staff have acted around these kids. At first I thought it may have been curiosity and getting adjusted to someone new, but now I am beginning to realize that it is also "class" stereotyping as well. The parents of these kids don't have a car all the time, are unable to pay for them to participate in school activities and field trips, and are not involved in the school as most other parents are. I have heard other staff members say "how can they live?", and kids ask them why they are never at any extracurricular activities. The kids are honest and say "We don't have a car" or " My mom ain't got not money." The other kids are shocked and then shy away and snicker back and forth. I get quite frustrated that instead of coming up with ways to help these kids out people tend to just step away and talk about them and their parents behind their backs. I do understand to some point that the parents could be a little more active with their children, try and find a job to get extra money, and so on but the kids should not have to suffer from this either. I think if people were just more open-minded and stepped outside their own safety zone to try and help others they may realize there is a whole lot more going on that they could help with. If the other parents would follow their kids would then realize that not everyone is quite as fortunate as they may be.